Before I begin a spiel re: my contouring obsession, please take a moment to Google “no contouring meme.” Go on, I’ll give you minute … That humpty dumpty looking #tbt to before I knew about contouring? Yeah, that’s basically what I see when I look at old photos of me taken prior to my knowledge of said contouring.
I have a round face — see for yourself. While there’s no serious cause for concern here, this does make the process of faking creating cheekbones a difficult task. Never one to pass up a challenge though, my conquest for a sculpted face and chiseled cheekbones commenced with binging on YouTube tutorials. Vanilla latte in hand, I watched videos and read articles to the point where I could comfortably call myself the contouring queen of Makeup.com.
Praise Hands Emoji. Success.
But resting on one’s laurels is not my style, so just when I mastered the ability to give my round head some dimension, the gals at Makeup.com threw me for a loop and proposed a new challenge: Give up my beloved, woman-made cheekbones for ONE. WHOLE. WEEK. Uhm, who did they think I was? How could I go back? What was I supposed to apply every morning? Just blush? As if.
Alas, I gave in, in the name of research. And don’t give me the side eye. We all have beauty vices of our own. Please feel free to check all that apply:
____ Eye Liner
____ Lash Extensions
____ Lip Gloss
And so it goes …
Day 1. After my morning ritual—shower, brush teeth and get dressed to my fave country tunes—it was makeup time. Out of habit, I picked up my angled brush and trusty YSL Le Sahariennes Bronzer, only to put them back down again. Sorry, my lovelies. Not today, I promised them.
Later that morning I strolled into work with my blush and highlighter covered cheeks, in an attempt at strobing, since contouring was contraband. While I seemed to be fooling everyone else, I felt a little naked. To be clear, my contour holds no comparison to what you see in your Instagram feed (I have yet to master that level of technique). My method errs on the side of subtlety, but I apply just enough bronzer, concealer and highlighter to give my face shape some structure — and that’s the way I prefer it.
So, maybe hate is a strong word, but I can honestly say I felt a little grumpy this day. Maybe it was the contouring (or lack thereof), maybe I was hangry — or both — but I wasn’t feelin’ it. It may seem overly dramatic, and while I know I don’t need to do a full contour job just to go grocery shopping, I do feel most comfortable adding stripes to my cheeks before heading to the office and other social settings where I’m expected to look presentable. And by presentable, I mean the classic Diana look of leggings, a baggy sweatshirt and a F.I.E.R.C.E. contour.
Oh, and what happened on day two you ask? I put on my favorite Lulu’s and contoured my life away. Sorrynotsorry. #MicDrop